The Honda Owners Club

... the veterinary nurse (a stunning redhead with a glass eye) stifled a chuckle .. the man (still in a drunken stupour) looked at her quizzically - she looked vaguely familiar. He turned and looked at his wife and felt a pang of.. was it compassion ? No, indigestion... the mixture of curry, cider and that final (8th) pint of Hogs Swill was finally working it's way through his system. A look of panic shot across his face... his eyes darting everywhere for an escape route... he needed to make a hasty exit or there would be bigger problems than a sour faced wife with a sore pussy full of splinters!

He lurched across the room and crashed through the WC door falling to his knees. Staring wildly into the white porcelain bowl, he screamed Gods name but he didn't come to help him. Sweat poured from his brow as he.......

Regards

Chimpy

realised it wasn't a toilet....

...but a basin that someone had purchased that very day from B&Q. With a mixture of embrasment and guilt, he decided to....

empty the contents of his stomach. Feeling much better now, he stood up and looked in the mirror. He adjusted his tie and gave himself a reassuring wink before leaving the toilet only to be confronted by his stern looking wife! "I hope you're going to pay for my poor pussy" she said as she thrust the vet's bill at him.

Regards

Chimpy

'Pay for pussy' he exclaimed, 'Never, if it hadn't been for you feeding my dinner to the dog, or was it dogs?' he quizzically asked himself whilst scratching his head 'I wouldn't have rushed into the kitchen and tripped over the damn cat! You sort the bill out'

He left the surgery shouting 'I'm going down the pub'..........

"Don't come back" she shouted as he left the surgery adding "You'll never play with my pussy again". "Keep your cat" he responded, "I'd rather have a conversation with the dogs any day". He crossed the road and headed for the Fox and Hounds.

As he entered the pub the landlord shouted across the bar, "I thought I'd told you not to return today, you've had enough".

His shoulders drooped a little as his gaze went all around the room, he had never really liked drinking in the Fox and Hounds but had no choice since The Crown closed. He could not believe that the old pub, so long his favourite, had been turned into,

the local branch of alcoholics anomous, Citizens Advice Bureau, with a table and a phone in the corner for the Samartans. What was he to do now, his wife doesn't want him, his local has barred him and the dogs won't talk to him any more, his only hope was....

to emigrate to Australia, where they would understand his obsessions. So, taking one last look around the room he ....

left the pub and walked down the street. As he approached "Bronze Idol" the sleaziest tanning establishment in town he thought "I'll teach that woman a lesson, I'll get myself an all over tan; she won't be able to resist me". He pushed the door open and walked in to be greeted by a rather scantilly clad woman. "Hellooooo" she said. "Hi" he replied, "nice muff". "Why thank you" she said, "it keeps my hands very warm this time of year, my mother bought it for me last Christmas. What can I do for you?"

"Well "said the man "where shall I start, the wife has kick me out, cos I injured her pussy, my local is now the local branch of the AA, CAB and Samaratans, I've been barred from the other pub in town and to cap it all there's this dog that keeps talking to me" The scantilly clad woman, whose name is Tracey, started to cry and really wasn't in any ift state to carry on. The man continued by saying that he has now decided to emmigrate to Australia, but he thought he should get himself an all over tan before he went.
Tracey was beside her self with grief that she said that he could have the full works for half price and that included a Sack, Crack and back hair waxing, to which the man said...

'Cor, I'll have some of that' and promptly started stripping off.

Traceys tears soon changed to a broad grin as she looked down at the man.......

"What the hell do you call that?" She exclaimed pointing at his...........

Dog. You can't bring that in here. It will....